Saying goodbye...

I'm at a loss for words as I try to begin this post. I know that I need to chronicle the end of our first trip to Haiti but I have no idea how to do justice to such an intensely emotional experience. I've started this post several times and nothing seems right so maybe I'll just dive right in and stop worrying about how it all sounds. By way of disclaimer, even though Matt and I both experienced the difficulty of saying goodbye to our girls last week, this post is written primarily from my perspective.  This is not at all meant to discredit Matt's experience or the pain and sadness in his "Daddy/Protector" heart as he left two of his sweet girls and said goodbye.  If he's willing, maybe I'll have him do a post to share his experience.  For now, here's the view from this mama's perspective...

 
I woke early last Friday morning with a heavy heart.  It was May 24th, 2013...the day that we would say goodbye to our precious daughters Chelley and Naika and get on a plane to come home without them.  I had known this day would come since we started this process 2 years ago.  I knew it would be painful and much harder than I could imagine.  Fortunately, God had protected my heart during the months and weeks leading up to our trip and He had graciously lessened my dread of that moment.  That was a burden that he didn't allow me to carry until I absolutely had to and as a result, I know that He spared me much pain leading up to that day.  However, as I woke that Friday, my heart was feeling the full load of what would happen in a few short hours.

As I finished packing and ate breakfast, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.  We were eating with the team of volunteers staying at the guest house and I was trying my best to keep it together.  My Facebook post from that morning pretty much captures my feelings...

"My heart is breaking this morning and I'm already crying and haven't even seen the girls yet. I'm just getting it out of the way so that I'm not a basket case in my limited time with them this morning. Lord, your strength is made perfect in my weakness."

I really was worried that if I was crying this much already, what on earth would I do when the time actually came to say goodbye?  Chelley was allowed to skip her English class that morning so we got to spend time with her at the Toddler House starting at 8 am.  She was in a great mood and comfortable with us and we were able to fill those two hours with more fun memories.  We blew more bubbles, played catch, colored, sang songs, watched the videos from home on my iPod, and just had a great time together.  We also got to have a tour of the Toddler House and see where Chelley and her friends sleep, eat, play and go to school.  We soaked up every detail of our girls' lives there like a sponge.  It was like every piece of information that we received from GLA was another point of connection between us and our daughters.

At 10 am, Molly, the wonderful, young American woman who shares the leadership of the Toddler House, brought Chelley, Matt and me down to the Main House.  The Toddler House and Main House are approx. 1 mile apart...or, at least, that's how it felt as we went up and down the steepest, bumpiest roads we'd ever experienced!  Due to those logistics, we had not spent time with both of our girls together since our 1st moments with them on Tuesday.  Since these were our last moments together, we wanted to have a bit of time with both of them before Chelley needed to go back to the Toddler House to begin her school day. 

When we picked Naika up from the nursery that day, she was happy to see us but seemed to be aware that something was happening.  She literally clung to us for the entire hour and a half that we were with her that day.  She went back and forth between us, her sweet little arms wrapped around us, her head resting on our shoulders.  We just soaked up those extra tight hugs from her, knowing that we wouldn't have that opportunity again for several months.  Chelley was still playful...kicking a soccer ball and dribbling a basketball with Matt as we passed the time together.  We snapped a few last shots of all of us together and before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye to Chelley.

When Chelley is sad, nervous, or uncomfortable, she gets very quiet and very serious.  As I hugged her and told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her until we came back, she was very serious and didn't say a word.  Matt hugged her and said his goodbyes to her as well and then there was nothing left to say.  Matt picked her up and carried her down the 2 flights of stairs.  I followed behind, carrying Naika and trying desperately to hold myself back from sobbing.  The GLA staff watched us sympathetically as we carried Chelley out to the car.  The image that imprinted itself on my heart was of Chelley waving to us and blowing us a kiss as the car pulled away.  Tears streamed down my face as we waved until we couldn't see the car anymore.

I wanted to find a quiet corner and cry until I couldn't cry anymore but I knew that I needed to keep it together for a little while longer.  We knew that we had about 30 minutes left with Naika and our girls back home had really wanted to Face Time with her.  It's a miracle that we can sit in an orphanage in Haiti with a device no bigger than my hand and be able to see and talk to our girls in Rochester!  Maria, Annika, Livie, and Grandma and Grandpa all really enjoyed the chance to see Naika, live and (almost) in person.  Naika just quietly took it all in and tried to figure out what was happening on that little screen.  It was a priceless time for our family to connect since we'd had the same opportunity to Face Time with Chelley and our girls here on Tuesday.  Since our biological girls couldn't come with us to Haiti to meet their sisters, Face Timing with them was the next best thing.

Before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye to Naika and bring her back to the nursery.  As I carried her up the stairs to the nursery, tears streamed down my face yet again.  Her nursery is a busy place with many kiddos clamoring for attention so I didn't have time for a long drawn-out goodbye.  I simply squeezed her tightly, whispered my love for her, set her down as she looked at me with those deep brown eyes, and walked away.  For the second time that day, I thought my heart would break into pieces right on the spot.

A few minutes later, we took one more drive up the hill to the guest house, loaded into the van with the other couples, and prepared for the drive down the mountain to the airport in Port au Prince.  Tears were shed by all the parents as we left our precious kiddos there, knowing that it would be months before we would get to see and hold them again.  We trust God and his sovereignty in this process.  However, that doesn't mean that it is easy to go through each day, knowing that those two amazing little girls are waiting for us.  We take comfort in knowing that they are as loved and well-cared for as they can possibly be at GLA and we rest in the knowledge that God still has our two little sparrows in His loving and gentle hand.  And now, we move forward one day at a time, praying that God will allow us to be united as a family as soon as possible.

Here are a few images from our last moments together...

15 Minutes and a Box of Kleenex...

...that is what you will need to get through this post.  Our beloved friend, photographer, and babysitter extraordinaire, Kadi Tiede, spent the afternoon with all of our pictures and videos from the trip and she created an absolutely priceless slideshow/video for us.  This video really captures the whole trip so well and I dare you to watch it without crying!

She worked hard to narrow down the pictures but it's still a 15 minute video with 3 of our absolute favorite adoption songs.  So, when you have 15 minutes, grab your tissues and enjoy this amazing video.  You'll feel like you were there with us...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLpFTR4CnkE

Thank you Kadi!!  We love you and once again, we find ourselves in your debt! You're the best! :)

Tonight, I am grateful...

It's impossible to believe all that we've done and been through in the last 36 hours.  It feels like we've lived at least a week in that time, but then again, every day in Haiti felt like that.  So much emotion and adventure, so many twists and turns...it's hard to believe how much you can pack into one day down there.  As our guest house host said, "Haiti puts you to bed early"...so true, so true!

Since there is no possible way that I can do justice to the last 36 hours in my current exhausted state, I'm going to list the top 10 things I'm grateful for tonight.  After some rest and some family time, I'll be sure to update the blog on the events and emotions of the last couple of days.

Tonight, I am grateful...

...that we made it home safely!!  After major delays and struggles yesterday and another very short night in a Miami hotel, we finally arrived home at 2 pm this afternoon.

...that we are reunited with our 3 girls here.  We missed them so much and are so glad to be home with them. I think the feelings are mutual. :)

...for my amazing parents who took great care of all 3 girls while we were gone and who picked us up today, fed us, listened to our stories, and then brought us home.  Their love and support provides such necessary stability for our biological girls and for us during this crazy process.  Words cannot express my gratitude for all that they did this week and all that they do week in and week out!

...for the priceless time that we had with Chelley and Naika. We will treasure those life-changing moments with them always, and replay them often as we wait to bring them home.

...for our orphanage, God's Littlest Angels, and the amazing care that they take of our kiddos.  Every staff person and volunteer there truly LOVES every one of those kids and they fight on their behalf on a daily basis.  There are so many there who are giving so much, day in and day out, for the sake of these kids.  We're forever in their debt!

...for all of you and the encouraging words and countless prayers that you offered up on our behalf.  It means the world to us to know that we have so much support and love from all of you as we experience every step of this process.

...for the beauty of God's creation in Haiti.  It is a breathtakingly beautiful country, despite its well-documented struggles.  There were so many things about the country that I wanted to slow down and savor, but this trip didn't allow for that.  Someday...
 
...for my warm and cozy bed, that will soon provide me with the best night's sleep I've had in weeks! (I didn't sleep so well in anticipation of our trip...can't imagine why!)

...for the new and wonderful friendships that we made this week, especially with the other adoptive parents that we had the joy of traveling with on this journey.  What a blessing it was to have someone else with whom to experience all of the ups and downs of this week.  We will always have this very unique bond with them and with their kiddos.

...for the God who loves us, loves our kids, and has ordained this beautiful thing called adoption.  For the calling that he placed on our lives that has led us to these precious and beautiful little girls that are now planted firmly in our hearts.  For the blessings that he has given us on every step of this journey and for all of the answered prayers of this past week.  We are His adopted children and we are thrilled to be allowed to follow His heart in adopting these little girls.  Thank you Lord for this amazing privilege.

The Haitian Way

Wow....another REALLY long day, full of ups and downs, both literally and emotionally.  Once again, I find myself with enough thoughts and emotions to write a novel on the days events with only enough time, space, and energy to give the clif-note version. 

Our agency and our orphanage told us before we came that our trip would be much better and we would enjoy it much more if we were willing to be flexible and not cling too tightly to our expectations.  We now know exactly what that means.  There are a few generalizations that we've heard about Haiti.  One is that this is the "land of endless impossibilities".  Haiti's people encounter impossible situations every day, around every corner, and just do their best to take it all in stride and survive in the best way they can.  There's also a general consensus that you don't know anything for sure (or count on anything) until it's actually happening.  You may even have to wait until it's happened.  Our adoption process has reflected those truths and while we haven't enjoyed all of the obstacles and "impossibilities", we feel that it's fitting that the process has mirrored the culture so accurately. 

Today provided several more opportunities for us to let go of our expectations and go with the flow.  Right now, all of you that know Matt and I well are laughing at the idea of us "going with the flow".  Could it be that God has some character development to do in us on this brief trip?  God is the ultimate multi-tasker and can accomplish so many different things in so many different people in the same situation.  So, one of the many things he's taught us this week is to learn to really and truly be flexible and let go of our expectations at every opportunity. 

Here were the unknowns we faced just this morning...
--would we be able to go to Port au Prince to appear in court?
--would we both be flying home tomorrow or would one of us be staying until next Tuesday?
--when would we get the chance to go see the local judge to sign our paperwork with him?
--would Chelley get to have the Dr. appt that she needed to have today and would we get to go with her?
--how would we divide our time between all of those things and still spending individual time with each of our girls?
--how would our girls respond to us in our time together today?

So, here's how it all played out.  We spent time with Chelley from 8:30-10 am.  She wasn't quite as playful or open with us as yesterday and seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by everything.  The hardest part as an adoptive parent in that situation is that you want with all of your being to make it better, to do what you can to ease your child's discomfort or sadness.  But you can't...because you are part of the problem, not part of the solution....yet.  Eventually, we will get to be the ones who comfort and make it better but that's not the case yet.  So, even though we love them to pieces, we must allow them to seek the comfort they need from the caregivers that they know and trust. 

We found out at 10 am that we would get to head to the courts and we quickly prepared for the long, winding, and bumpy hour drive back down into Port au Prince.  Praise God that we were able to get that taken care of today.  All it consisted of was us appearing in the court building and waiting for 10 minutes while a clerk took copies of our passports...that was it!  Good thing we didn't have to rearrange so many things for a 10 minute appt next Tuesday!  We were back to the orphanage by 12:30 pm but by then, both girls were resting.  At 2:30 pm, we got word that we could go to see the "local" judge.  That involved another bumpy but breathtakingly beautiful ride farther up the mountain to go see Judge Bob and take 5 minutes to sign our names in his presence.  We were back to GLA again by about 4 pm.  That left us 30 minutes with Naika before we got picked up at 4:30 to drive almost all the way back down to Port au Prince for Chelley's Dr. appt.  30 minutes was not enough to love on Naika today and she wasn't thrilled with us for part of that time either.  We decided to divide and conquer so Matt stayed with Naika and I went with Chelley and 2 of the GLA staff to the Dr appt. 

The appt was not for a big problem but just something to have checked out.  Chelley just has some pain in her hip joints from time to time and it causes her to limp or not want to be on her feet.  We saw a wonderful orthopedic Dr who spoke fluent English, French, and Creole.  He was able to rule out anything serious and gave us a simple and reasonable way to deal with it if it flares up again.  The only problem was that it's the rainy season in Haiti and it was POURING down rain when we got to his office.  Our appt was at 5 pm local time and I had brought nothing with me...no food, no activities for Chelley, etc.  The GLA staff are often prepared with bags for the kids for these occasions but they thought we'd just be in and out so Chelley wouldn't need it.  However, the Dr. wasn't there when we arrived and as it turned out, he got stuck in another of Haiti's "impossibilities".  He was stuck in a traffic jam caused by a rockslide and muddy flood.  He showed up at his office at 6:30 pm but we were 3rd in line.  Yet another chance to be flexible!  It was a long wait and we were all hungry and tired by the time we got home at almost 8 pm.  However, I got the rare chance to get to experience this appt with Chelley and very few other adoptive parents have that opportunity.  I also got to spend all that time with Chelley on my lap or holding my hand and that was priceless and worth every minute!  And I got to hear some wonderful insights from one of the GLA staff that is with Chelley all the time about her life, about the adoption process, and about what the kids understand about what is happening with all of these adoptions.

Now it's time to recover from this marathon day, pack our belongings, and prepare to spend about 2 hours with each of them separately tomorrow before we say goodbye.  Thanks for reading all the way through another marathon post and for your constant prayers.

Learning to be flexible

It is hard to have so much to share and such limited time to share it.  I know that not all of my dearest friends are on facebook so I want to make sure I keep everyone as up to speed as possible on all that is happening.

Brief run-down of our day...left here at 6 am to get to the U.S. Embassy for our 7:30 appt with the other 2 American couples that we are with.  Have learned a great deal about Haitian culture and the complete lack of Haitian driving laws just from these rides up and down the mountain but that's a whole other post! :) We got to the embassy...waited, were seen, waited some more, were interviewed and then were released from there about 10 am.  We thought we were on track for a smooth and fairly quick day.  Then it took about another hour of crazy driving to get to the courthouse.  Both the embassy and the courthouse are in Port au Prince but the traffic and the roads are apparently especially bad between those 2 buildings, which is really saying something!  So we took a longer journey up and around and then back down to get to the courthouse. 

We found out on the way that the judge we were supposed to see is out until next Tuesday...oops!  But we went to the courthouse anyway because our orphanage thought they could still get us in to do what needs to be done...which really just amounts to a clerk copying some pages in our passports.  Ugh.  After waiting a half hour, the director of our orphanage called and said it simply wasn't going to happen today.  She'd been on the phone for 30 minutes trying to make it work and it was out of the question.

So, we'll find out tomorrow whether or not we'll get special permission to go back to Port au Prince tomorrow and have a different clerk from a different court do it for us....or, someone from each family has to stay until next Tuesday and try it again when the judge gets back to town.

Honestly, I don't even know what to pray for right now so pray as you feel God leading you.  In some ways, its best to just get it done tomorrow.  That saves, time, money, and complications in so many ways.  However, it also takes away our only full day at the orphanage and means that our time with our girls will be drastically reduced tomorrow.  That makes me sad.  The idea of one of us staying means that one of us would get more time with them but obviously makes everything more complicated.

As far as seeing the girls today, we've gotten to see glimpses of Chelley coming and going from her class with her school mates.  Their classroom is on the main floor of the guest house in which we are staying.  So, that has brought joy to my heart and she's given us a couple of smiles in those interactions today.  The plan is to hang out with her from 3-5 pm in her environment, called the Toddler House, which we didn't get to see at all yesterday.  Can't wait to see her in her space, with her friends.  Then tonight we'll have dinner at the main house and hopefully get a little bit of time with Naika before bed.

That's what I know for now.  Thanks for your love and your prayers!

Meeting our precious girls

It's the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday, May 22, 2013 and I have a brief moment to update you all quickly before we head to Port au Prince for a busy day of embassy and court appts. (Of course, busy in regards to Haiti = hurry up and wait and above all...be flexible about everything!!)

We did get to spend some priceless and wonderful time with Chelley and Naika yesterday morning.  We arrived at the orphanage about 10:30 am...after mostly smooth flights and a not-so-smooth drive up into the beautiful Haitian mountains.  We were taken directly to the Main House, where all the littlest ones live, and both Chelley and Naika were waiting on one of the balconies for us.  We had some of the wonderful GLA staff with us to introduce us to the girls and to help them feel comfortable as we spent those initial moments together.  The girls were understandably quiet and reserved at first, although Chelley was willing to hug us right away.  They warmed up quickly, especially when we got out the presents and snacks we'd brought them.  They were willing to sit on our laps and play with us, and by the end of our time together, Naika didn't want me to put her down.  If  I set her down to play with something, she turned around and reached for me.  Oh so good for this mama's heart.  Neither girl said much of anything, although they both do talk quite a bit when in their element.  They did however reward us with some of their priceless and beautiful smiles.  The GLA staff were surprised at how quickly Naika warmed up to us. Chelley was her usual bright and smiley self. Praise God for all the answered prayers.  We had about 1 1/2 hours with them before we had to leave them for lunch.  We had little bits of time with each of them individually after lunch and hope to get to spend some more time with them this afternoon after we return from Port au Prince.

It is still quite unreal to actually be here, to see and hold them in person and we are taking as much video and as many pictures as possible so that we can remember these life-changing moments.  They are even more beautiful and precious in person than they are in their pictures.  Speaking of pictures, I will try to upload some at some point but don't have the means right now.  I'll try to update more later but will end this post with the lyrics to the song that so completely mirrors my heart right now.  This song, written by two adoptive daddies...Mark Hall (of Casting Crowns) and Steven Curtis Chapman, is the reason for the name of our blog.  Read the lyrics and then go listen to it on youtube...it's amazing!

You were broken, abandoned
And crying all alone
We were waiting and praying
And longing to bring you home
And then we saw your face
In a moment you were wrapped up in our hearts
We took a step of faith
And now here we are

Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you
Will you take my love and give up the fight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you

From a world away, I journeyed
Just to hold your hand
You will never be alone again
I've come so far to find you
So far to find you

You were fighting and fearful
You were hiding your heart away
But I was trying so hard to show you
‘Cause there were no words that I could say
If you could see my heart
You would know that all I want to do
Is care for you


Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you
Will you take my love and give up the fight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you

Here in your eyes I see
Reflections of myself
How I'm the child that's really running
But I can hear a voice that's whispering my name
Saying come to me, don't run from me
I'm all you need and I am calling

Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight
(I have come so far)
Will you take my love and give up the fight
(I have come so far)

Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you
Will you take my love and give up the fight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you

From Heaven's throne
Down to a rugged cross I came
It was My love for you that brought Me all the way
So far to find you
So far to find you

Here we go!

Well...the day has finally come!  As I write this,we have one hour before my parents come to take us to the airport.  This past week has been such a jumble of emotions and they just seem to intensify every day until today, where I'm at the point that I'm kind of useless and don't even know what to do with myself.

There is the obvious excitement that we are finally at this point and that in less than 24 hours, we will be meeting and playing with our girls in person.  It still seems quite unreal and like I'm in a dream fog...which is a bit like running through knee deep jello!  On the flip side, I'm quite nervous as well.  I feel a bit like a pregnant mama heading into labor.  I REALLY want this to happen, but the unknowns are still there...how much will this hurt?  Will everyone be OK?  What will my baby be like?  Throw in a few extra questions for this scenario...will my child be willing to look at me or let me hold/hug her?  Will I be able to communicate and bond with my children?  What will I say to my 7 year old child that I'm just now meeting for the 1st time? And the list goes on...  On top of those emotions are the bittersweet feelings of saying goodbye to our 3 girls here for almost a week.  We will miss them greatly, even though we know they're in the best of hands with Grandma, Grandpa, and the occasional "friend" reinforcements.  As I was putting Livie to nap today, I had a hard time explaining to her how much I would miss her while we are gone.  I cried when she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and said, "I'll miss you too, Muder". :)

Maybe this ride is like one of those spinning rides...like a Tilt-A-Whirl.  It's fun and you want to be on the ride, but your stomach is definitely doing somersaults with all the spinning. :)

This is just another opportunity to remember that God is in control of all of these details as well.  He sees and knows everything in our hearts, in the hearts of Chelley and Naika, in the hearts of Maria, Annika, and Livie as this momentous occasion take place.  Never once has he left us on our own and that is true this week too. 

For those of you that haven't gotten other facebook or in-person updates this week, this has been a week of AMAZING and encouraging connections.  God has been pouring on the blessings with such frequency that it's made my head spin.  To make a long story short, we've made the following connections with people important to our adoption journey this week...

-- One of my closest college friends "just happens" to be good friends with one of the other 2 families that we are traveling with in Haiti this week.  So, we've been able to email and chat with each other as we've made the preparations for this trip.  We'll meet them in Port Au Prince in the morning as we all prepare to meet our kids for the first time.

--Those 2 families invited me to a facebook group for families that are adopting or have adopted from GLA.   Within minutes of being on that group, I was messaged by one of the other moms.  This family is in the process of adoption twin 1 year old boys from GLA but they have also been financially sponsoring Chelley for a long time.  Their whole family has been praying for Chelley (and her little sister) that she would have a family soon and we were the answer to their prayers.  She said her kids were so excited to see our pictures and know that we are Chelley's new family!  OK...tears much?!

--The next day, that mom that has been sponsoring Chelley introduced me on facebook to another mom who brought home her daughter from GLA about 6 months ago.  The girl they adopted just happened to be one of Chelley's best friends and had been really concerned about Chelley's well being after she left the orphanage.  Now, that mom has shown that little girl pictures of us and can reassure her that Chelley will have her forever family soon.  I've got some pictures on my iPod that I can show Chelley of her friend to let Chelley know that she is doing well with her forever family.  Precious.

--And then to top it off, someone else from the group messaged me and said that they have 3 adopted kids from Haiti (one from our orphanage just recently) and that they live in Iowa.  She mentioned that she has relatives in Rochester and when I asked their names, I found out that her relatives are a fellow homeschooling family in our church that has been incredibly supportive of our adoption.  WOW!

So, if those were last week's surprises that God had for us, I can't wait to see what he has in store for this week.  I need to wrap this up so that we can head to the airport.  Thank you in advance for all of your prayers...we'll share updates as we are able throughout the week.  I apologize for any typos but I don't have time to go back and proofread.  I'm sure you'll understand.

Here we go...!

WE'RE GOING TO HAITI!!

I feel like there should be a voice over the loud speaker at Adoption Adventure Land instructing us to "Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop".  If that statement seems odd to you...you can check out my blog post from yesterday about what this crazy adoption journey often feels like to those caught up in it.  The end of this particular roller coaster that we've been on since September is now in sight and we can't wait to get off!

We're filled with joy that God answered our desperate prayers and the prayers of so many friends and family and is indeed allowing us to go to meet our sweet girls in Haiti NEXT WEEK!!  The U.S. Embassy in Haiti confirmed this morning that we can have our necessary appointment there next week and so all systems are a go for us to leave in just 6 short days!

We'll leave from Rochester in the afternoon on Monday, May 20th and fly to Chicago and then to Miami.  We have a "short" overnight layover in Miami and then get on a plane first thing in the morning on Tuesday, May 21st bound for Port Au Prince.  We'll be on that flight with 2 other families from the US that are also adopting from our orphanage and will also be preparing to meet their children for the first time.  It'll be great to get to experience all of this with 2 other couples that are at the same stage in the process.

We arrive in Port Au Prince at 8:40 am (7:40 am CDT) and someone from the orphanage will come to pick us up, along with the other 2 couples.  I believe that the orphanage is about 1 1/2 hours from Port Au Prince.  I have no idea what will happen when we do finally get to the orphanage but I assume that within a fairly short time of arriving at GLA (God's Littlest Angels orphanage), we'll FINALLY be able to meet, hug, kiss, talk to, and try not to cry all over Chelley and Naika.  We can't even begin to imagine what that will be like but we've heard that it won't feel real.  I heard this week that even years from now, those first moments with them will feel like they were all a dream, like we weren't really even there but just imagining it.  Regardless of how it feels, it WILL BE real and we'll be that much closer to being able to bring them home.

While we are in Haiti, we'll be staying in the guest house at the orphanage.  We will spend most, if not all, of Wednesday the 22nd back in Port Au Prince at our US Embassy appointment and waiting to appear and sign paperwork in the Haitian courts.  On Thursday, the 23rd, we'll have a brief trip and appearance in front of a local judge near the orphanage.  In between those trips, we'll spend every possible minute with Chelley and Naika, although they will need to stick to their usual schedule as much as possible and we'll need to respect that for their sakes.  As you can imagine, this is very difficult for them and the more we disrupt their routines, the more trouble they'll have when we leave.  We want to soak up our time with them but also join the orphanage staff in protecting their hearts through this process.  Bottom line, this really isn't about us, as much as it feels like it could and should be.  This is about those girls that are about to have their world turned upside down and that need us to protect and nurture their hearts in the process.  More about that later...

Then on Friday, May 24th, the moment will come when we'll need to say goodbye to those girls that have already planted themselves so deeply in our hearts.  God has spared me from dwelling on that moment and I know He'll provide the grace and comfort we need in that moment to be able to do what we need to do.  Countless other parents and children have done this very thing and have lived to tell about it, so I know we will too.  We do covet prayers for every aspect of our trip, but especially for this moment that is bound to be very difficult and painful.  We know that God is with us every step of the way, every minute, and that He is the God Who Sees.  He sees ALL of our needs and provides abundantly for us out of His endless grace.

We will fly out of Port Au Prince on Friday afternoon, with a stop in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and then an overnight in Chicago before arriving back in Rochester on Saturday morning, May 25th.  Then another round of waiting begins, as we wait another 3-6 months for the rest of the Haitian legal process to finish it's course before we get word that we can go to pick up Chelley and Naika and bring them home.

And so....the adventure continues...

Adoption Adventure Land -- An Experience We'll Never Forget

In previous conversations, I've compared our adoption journey to a roller coaster.  On closer inspection, it's more like an entire amusement park which I've fondly dubbed Adoption Adventure Land.  We've been living at this amusement park for 2 years now and we're currently on the most breathtaking ride yet.  We hopped on this particular ride on September 10, 2012, when we received word that 2 more little girls, Chelley and Naika, would be joining our family.  Prior to that, we'd been on the Paperwork Tilt-a-Whirl and had gone several laps on the Fundraising Go-Kart track and those had their own unique moments of joy and anxiety.  This Referral Roller Coaster was definitely our favorite and was cruising along nicely, until it suddenly broke.  We were left hanging upside down on one of those corkscrew turns for 7 months.  No one could really tell us when the ride would be fixed, or even if anyone was even attempting to fix it. 

On April 24th, 2013 I was ready to release my safety buckle and hope for the best.  I just wanted off. this. ride.  All of a sudden, on April 25th, the roller coaster started moving again and we were instantly transported to one of the highest points we'd experienced thus far.  We could see for miles and were just so happy to be moving again that we didn't really mind the craziness of the ride.  Of course, everyone knows that what goes up must come down and so we came cruising down the hill and coasted while waiting for our travel dates.  Almost 2 weeks later, we received travel dates that were less than 2 weeks away!  Could we go to Haiti to meet our girls May 21st through the 24th?  Um, YES, sign us up!!  And so we swept up to the top again, our stomachs in our throats but big smiles on our faces!!

Now, we're cruising around another hairpin turn, holding on for dear life and waiting to be told that the U.S. Embassy in Haiti can see us next week and that we will indeed be able to get off this ride and go meet our girls in 8 days!  We've had plane tickets on hold since Wednesday, May 8th but haven't been able to purchase them without US Embassy confirmation of our appointment.  I'm getting a little lightheaded from holding my breath around this curve and really hope that we just have one last high tomorrow before coasting in to a stop in Haiti next week.  Staying on this ride of ups and downs and twists and turns for another few weeks seems like an eternity, even though I know we will survive it if we have to.

There are certainly more rides for us to experience in this adventure before we'll be able to leave the park together with our whole family.  We don't know yet what those rides will look like or what fears and joys they will spark in our hearts along the way.  All I know is that when this is all said and done, I'm going to look for a nice, boring merry-go-round somewhere!